seethrough

The Medical Research Council (MRC) in SA published shocking findings after research conducted amongst a representative sample of men in south africa.  the research was done in the Eastern Cape (where I live) and also in Kwazulu Natal (where i used to live).

The results suggest that 1 in 4 men surveyed admitted to having raped a woman.
(you can read an article about the findings here: Mail & Guardian article)

I sat stunned as I read.  I’ve always heard statistics about rape and violence against women in south African society, but this statistic left me reeling.  What is wrong with us?  What is wrong with masculinity?  Even old-fashioned ideas about maleness suggests it’s the mens role to “protect” the so-called weaker sex.  What kind of protection are we offering?

I am not in the 1 in 4 category.  I have not raped a woman.  Which puts me in the 3 in 4 group…  But there’s no comfort in being in that group for me.  I’m asking myself, what have we 3 done to make it possible for the 1 in4 to do what they have done?

How have we colluded with questionable ideas about being “men”?

How have we failed to speak out against attitudes and actions that are not respectful of women?

How have we failed to act - holding our fellow men accountable for their actions?

How can it be that 1 in 4 men have raped a women, and the other 3 know nothing about it?  What is our (what is my) responsibility?

I keep asking myself what am I going to do?

• I’m calling men to kneel with me.  Not to show their “might” but to humble themselves and show their heart!
• I’m going to organise a meeting where men can listen to the experiences of women through the eyes of a person working with rape victims every day.
• I’m going to prepare a talk entitled “why I am a feminist.” and present it before National Women’s Day in August.

But these things are not enough.  the threat to women is too great to simply talk about it.

Pray tell me, what can we do?

[Click on picture to view enlarged version]

it’s a big day for our country!  Mr Mbeki was recalled by his party, the ruling ANC.  And today he resigned.  Good move.  if he was impeached by a vote of MP’s in parliment, he would have lost his pension.

so i’m expecting people to react with concern and anxiety.  fair enough it’s not an everyday occurence that a president resigns.

but consider this.  our northern neighbour has had the same president for nearly 30 years - the only head of government in that country since liberation in 1980.  many people who fear change in our country often site Zimbabwe as a sign of things to come.

but today we experienced our second change in president in the first 14 years of our fledgling democracy.  Not only did our beloved first president graciously step down after his first term - setting the stage for a different tradition of leadership.  Now our second president has been peacefully deposed by political rivals and will be replaced by a care-taker president till elections next year.  And please note - not a single drop of blood shed.  how different to the story of our northern neighbour.

Now please note - all you lovers of democracy (whether you agree with Mbeki being asked to step down or not, whether you like Jacob Zuma or not) - this transition of power is a sign of maturity.  And if, in the next few days, cabinet ministers stick around and agree to work with the new president, that will also be a sign of democratic maturity.  Mbeki’s resignation can (must?) be seen as the result of a democratic process within the ANC.  Other alternatives are a coup - a violent unlawful change of leadership - and revolution - forceful, usually violent but morally justified change in leadership.  Even if Mbeki had chosen to stay and fought impeachment in Parliment, that would have been a more protracted process, but still an extension of the democratic process.

And if, as some have predicted, followers of Mbeki move out to form a rival political movement, to contest the next elections…  that could also be a sign of democratic and political maturity as our political landscape begins to reflect greater diversity, challenging the single-minded and uniform stronghold the ANC has in Parliment.  No political party should enjoy (i believe) an outright majority in Parliment.  A change in the constitution should always be the result of multi-party consultation and agreement.  When opposing political groups have to come together to effect a change in the constitution, then there is safety that changes are not just being made to suit the best interests of a political party, rather than the best interests of the country.  (A good example of the ANC majority in parliment being misused was the decision to allow floor-crossing.)

many things can be said about the events of today.  and everyone is justified their opinion.  the one thing that can not be said about us today is that we are a banana republic.  political intrigue and power mongering is alive and well in our Republic…

Viva Democracy Viva!

the newspaper headlines screamed this week “Monster get’s Life!”

the “monster” concerned is a man who was found guilty of brutally murdering two young girls in Knysna.   And he was given two life sentences by a court this week.

Let me first say that the crime is monstrous.  And grief of those parents tragic and unbearable.

But I’m always interested in people’s strong reaction to these kinds of incidents of violence and crime.  These kinds of crimes are considered extreme and beyond any rational comprehension.  The sense of tragedy and compassion for the parents is totally understandable and appropriate.  But the corresponding reaction of self-righteous indignation that sometimes goes along with it is dangerous - as if we are not capable of monstrous acts, even criminal in nature…

Jesus said Murder is wrong.  that’s a given.  But then he says: “if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgement” (Matt 5:22)

I don’t think Jesus is raising the stakes -trying to make it harder and harder to “make it” through judgement day.  I think he’s calling all those who self-righteously say “I have fulfilled the Law” because they have never committed murder, to reflect on where the act of murder begins.  not with a monster.  but with anyone who gives space for anger to take root.

all of us have monstrously angry moments.  i think all of us have the capacity to murder.

we should express great compassion for all who have lost.  and we should also seriously beware the sneaking self-righteousness that will seek to draw lines of distinction between “us” and the “monsters”…

i went out for a paddle today in fairly rough waters.  A few very large waves came through and I was washed out the boat.  That in itself isn’t a big problem.  I let the boat get washed to the shore.  Then I thought I’d  swim in with my paddle.

Strong current made that hard.  Along with some very big waves which meant I was regularly being dumped and having to swim hard to keep my had above water.

Fortunately there were two surfers nearby and I quickly called to one to help me.  He came over quickly and I was able to hold onto his board.  He and I struggled to make any headway but he kept calm and seemed confident we were ok.  We allowed the current to wash us in, recovering after each big wave by hanging onto the board.

Finally we made it in.

I misjudged the waves.  Should have been wearing a life-jacket.  Gave the family (all watching from the beach) a huge fright.

I’m just hugely grateful to Quintin for the help!

there are a few moments of insight when time really stops and you feel the masks falling away. and then there’s just you and you.  in a certain sense, the naked self.

the insight is a scary thing, and yet at the same, a welcome relief and a comfortable re-discovery - like when you find an old pair of shoes hidden at the back of the cupboard, and slipping them on is accompanied by a profound sense of recognition: “we know each other - where have you been all this time…?”

It was like that a few weeks back when I attended an enneagram workshop. I went with limited knowledge, thinking that I was a certain type (a “3″) because so much of my life has been about the quest for achievement and the need for affirmation and the recognition of others. But the retreat leader quickly suggested I should reconsider. She suggested that I had focussed too much on the behaviour of a type, when the heart of the enneagram is really the core energy that is at the centre of our lives. This was the moment of realisation - when i found that at the core of my life is not the energy of achievement but rather fear. Wierd - because I’m the one who ridicules my wife over her fear of spiders. It seems that every person is familiar with fear. The thing about a “6″ is, they are afraid of fear itself. Fear is such a scary thing that 6’s will do anything to eliminate it. They suss out danger (or potential threats) a mile off and put strategies in place to avoid the threat. Of course a common response to fear would be to flee. Not many people have witnessed me fleeing :)  That’s because I can’t let fear get on top of me. I am so afraid of fear that I confront it head on. For me, it must be overcome and disempowered, else it may threaten my entire existence.  This may seem courageous or stupid (yes, i have been known to jump off cliffs into the sea in the middle of the night) but these displays of courage are a sign of my ongoing struggle with fear.

As I’ve spoken about this moment of recognition with others, they don’t always immediately make the connection. I may not seem like a person motivated my fear. But inside my body the recognition is increasingly obvious. I’m often anxious. I have little ways - instinctive ways - to handle and manage the many fears that I live with. The drivenness to achieve and succeed is much better understood through the eyes of fear - fear of failure, insignificance, fear of the church closing it’s doors. This fear of “the end” motivates much of my challenges to the church to transform and find a more relevant and engaging way to be.

More important than categorising myself and knowing “what i am” the ennegram workshop has helped me to grasp something about myself that has always been but not so well appreciated. An important value of the workshop was awareness and acceptance. Knowing your type is not about changing or mastering yourself as much as it about becoming more aware of yourself and learning to accept the way you (and others) interact and manage daily life.

A little bit about the enneagram: The enneagram is an ancient map of the inner life - which idenitifies 9 basic perspectives of the world. Each number represents a group of people who tend to operate within themselves in characteristic ways. The internal map is complex, not binary and the “types” have an internal relationship which is best understood in spiritual - even mystical - terms. The number or “type” is not so much a category that describes your behaviour as much as it is a way of understanding the passion or energy that motivates a person inwardly.

my early mentor and role-model in the ministry wrote this in a Christmas letter…

Response to Jacob Zuma’s election – at last the voice of the poor is being heard in South Africa! I think there’s little to fear in what’s happened - in fact it’s a chance to start again, in a country with huge riches, to share what we have (e.g. our GINI coefficient is still amongst the worst in the world.) And the story’s not about one man (unlike the Mbeki style). And even if Zuma is convicted, the new Deputy, Kgalema Motlante, has long experience in governance.

besides always being interested in what he has to say about things like this, i’m also always interested to hear an alternative voice. I personally think that most objections to Zuma have tended toward the moralistic (read judgemental) and reflect the affluent preference for a “Mbeki” who will not rock the economic boat too much. i think it is helpful to interpret Zuma’s election in terms of the poor needing to be heard!

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong:

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Christians always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in South Africa

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms, just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the information era, or longer life spans.

the mail&guardian reports that Aids-related deaths in South Africa were at 2,319,317 at noon on November 28

have you noticed how powerful Silence can be. I’m still not sure if he/she is a friend or foe! Silence creates space and makes room for rest and re-creation. but Silence is also a sneaky accomplice to heinous crimes of the worst kind…

my life if full of words - and speaking. sometimes i think i’m paid to speak. and sometimes i think I’m jsut plain full of myself “and love the sound of my own voice”. either way, Silence is the best medicine. She allows me to retreat to a place of solitude where I am able to rest and be restored in the Values that I have confidence in. She is gracious and gentle - imagine, not having to say anything! What a relief when so much of my life is judged by what I say and how convincing I sound and how entertaining i am… etc…

but Silence has a dark side. I know of many people who are in unsafe relationships but feel trapped - fearful of the consequences of breaking the silence and speaking about what is happening.

(more…)

(Aiden remarked, when reading another story that he “looked forward to turning the page”… so, with his encouragement, here is page 2…)

did you know that the Hebrew and Christian Scriptures use the phrases “do not fear” and “do not be afraid” 113 times!!! (those same scriptures use the phrase “love God” only 5 times…) So let’s make a humble assumption - spirituality that takes the Bible (meaning the Hebrew and Christian scriptures) seriously will be a spirituality that is Peace-producing. Essentially, I’m assuming that Biblical Spirituality will echo this sentiment - do not fear, do not be afraid, do not worry, etc.

the Christian scriptures tell us that Jesus is the “prince of peace” (i’m assuming that means that if anyone is going to bring peace it will be him..) it also tells us that “perfect love casts out all fear” (1 John 4:18) and goes on to make a clear observation: “for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.”

the thing that I struggle with is that the “good news” that many Christians offer is highly fearful. The common story goes something like this: God created you. Things were good until you messed up. You sinned and God was angry. You had broken his Law. Justice was required so someone had to die. It would have been you (and it might still be if you don’t…) but Jesus died in your place to “absorb the wrath of God” (John Piper). To return to right relationship with God, you must repent and believe (presumably that Jesus died for you) so that eternal punishment can be avoided. If you do, God’s anger is avoided and heaven awaits. If you don’t, the just punishment for your sins will be your reward - that’s hell. (If “God is Love” he certainly has a big investment in fear and punishment in the universe…)

so here’s a question: what motivates your faith in God? why are you a Christian? is it to avoid the fires of hell - an eternal punishment? as I’ve indicated here i am an unapologetic follower of Jesus. I am willing to associate myself with him in every way. but I am simply not happy to associate myself with this common version of the Christian Story any longer. I think that there is another story which is desperately needing to be told - needing to be heard.

(some quick reasons why the new story needs to be heard:
1. i don’t think that the common version is doing our Great God of Grace justice!
2. many good, thinking, moral, faithful, did i mention good, people are simply not able to fathom a God who is so petty and, instead of looking deeper into the faith tradition, are choosing to live as moral atheists rather than associate with such a paper-thin version of a Creator God.
3. it is Fear Producing - which is exactly the opposite of what Biblical faith is supposed to do. Where is the peace? Where is the confidence?)

Here’s to another story! (I don’t call it a new story because I would like to argue that this other story has been around longer than the common one!!! it’s the old story, needing rediscovery)

my understanding of Jesus was that he chose to live and teach in the tradition of the Hebrew prophetic tradition - most significantly, the prophetic vision of Isaiah. His first public teaching in a synagogue involved a reading from Isaiah 61 (Luke 4:16) - a moving, inspiring vision about the “Year of the Lord’s favour”. (the interesting thing is that the phrase “and a day of vengeance for our God” - Is 61:2 - is omitted in Luke) This prophetic tradition includes moving passages about the coming of the Messiah who will bring peace - when the Lion will lie down with the Lamb (Isaiah 11)… perhaps the most moving passage for me is found in Isaiah chapter 2:

Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord,
to the house of the God of Jacob;
that he may teach us his ways
and that we may walk in his paths.’
For out of Zion shall go forth instruction,
and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.
He shall judge between the nations,
and shall arbitrate for many peoples;
they shall beat their swords into ploughshares,
and their spears into pruning-hooks;
nation shall not lift up sword against nation,
neither shall they learn war any more.

These are the passages that I believe inform the ministry of Jesus. When he speaks about the “Kingdom of Heaven”, I believe he is talking about this kind of Kin’dom… where Peace is found to be stronger than force, where love is eternal and cannot die…

In the light of these (biblical) observations, I want to encourage those who are dissatisfied with the common story to begin to consider Alternatives. I believe there are many other stories on offer in the Christian Scriptures. Paul’s writings do contain much that supports the common version, but he also transcends those thoughts in some of his writings, focusing more on the theme of Reconciliation. See 2 Corinthians 5:16-21. (I realise that it is possible to use this passage to underscore the common version of Christianity.) I believe it is possible to interpret this passage in a way that appeals to Loving Relationship as a motivation for Faith… (perhaps the topic of Page 3…) The Gospels are the best place to look though, because the parables and the ministry of Jesus are still being processed by the authors. The Gospel writers certainly include their own interpretations in the re-telling of the stories (which explains some of the differences in the four gospels) but the interpretation can be said to be “in process”. This gives us a glimpse into the early Christian community of people who were not called “Christians” - they were simply people of faith who had decided to follow the teachings of Jesus. They were best described as “those belonging to the Way” (acts 9:2)

What are some of the attributes that I think Another Story might include?
1. i think it must choose to be faithful to the teaching and example of Jesus. this might involve a revisiting of the gospels and a decision to take Jesus at his word. or as Albert Nolan says to “take Jesus seriously”.
2. surely it must work out a new motivation for Faith. If we aren’t following Jesus to “avoid hell and earn our ticket into heaven”, what will be our primary reason for following? it might return to a much more wholistic understanding of the word “believe” which embraces the whole self, heart, will, mind, body, in place of a modern understanding of the word which reduces believing to mental (intellectual?) agreement. To say “I believe in Jesus” would be more akin to saying “I commit my whole self to Jesus”.
3. it must strive to be all-embracing, not sectarian but able to embrace variety so that it can become a story of Peace and Unity. surely if God’s Kin’dom is going to be eternal we’re going to have to live side-by-side then… why not start finding a way to live together now…?
4. it might formulate a different understanding of authority. for instance, it may choose to view the Spirit of scripture as a higher authority than the historical written text. This might include the recognition that not everything that is biblical is consistent with the teaching of Jesus i.e. Christian
5. Another Story might re-emphasize the importance of being good - what Jesus meant when he spoke about the fruit that a tree bears. the Common Story has used the Fear of God (of hell) to motivate people into believing, and has unwittingly encouraged people to “believe” at all costs, but has paid too little attention on the thing that Jesus asked us to do: “go and make disciples” (Matthew 28) disciples are learners, and presumably that means learners of The Way. Evidencing the Fruit of the Spirit - the signs of a transforming life - will become the essence of Another Story.

What do you think might be some of the attributes of Another Story? OR, what would you LIKE to see being addressed by a different kind of Spirituality? (that you feel has been neglected by the Common Version of Christianity in your experience?)